Showing posts with label life.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life.. Show all posts

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Mistakes Happen

He drove slowly on the highway. People in other cars yelled at him to drive fast. One guy even called him a piss head. He couldn't agree more. He had messed up, big time. His life had no meaning anymore. Tears trickled down his cheek. He sniffed and wiped his nose. His life.. a man he used to be.. seemed like a fading dream now. The bundles of money he has stashed in various banks were of no use to him. There was no one to share with. His wife and his children hated him. He could not blame them. He had ruined their life to live his own. Affairs after affairs, drinking 24 hours, spending money on himself and his endless girlfriends, that was his life. He was one good looking man once, tall and well built with his dark blond hair, blue eyes, high cheekbones. Simply, he was handsome, with no doubt. Look at me now, he sighed, I have a paunch, receding hairline and I have to wear ugly glasses. His silver Volvo doesn't seem to attract girls anymore. He was no Edward, after all, just an ugly and fat middle aged man. He had tried to amend his mistakes. It had been too late though. His children said they had forgiven him but he knew they hadn't. His wife had made a boyfriend. She was happy enough. He sighed heavily and looked around him.


He pulled the brakes when he saw the yearly SpringWell festival sign on a new huge playground. He hadn't attended it in years. Why not go in? He parked and got out of his car and walked fastly toward the entrance. He bought his ticket, smiled at the guard and went in. He was feeling very excited, like a little kid. He was smiling widely and his spirits were high. He saw couples, kids and fat housewives having fun. Their cheeks were glowing red from the laughter. He wished for a moment that he had someone to laugh with. However, he was too high to feel sad again. He would take rides, he would eat cotton candy, he would play games, he would buy useless teacups and T shirts which won't fit him. Yay, his heart cried out in happiness. He bought some cotton candy and ate it slowy. He loved the way it melted slowly in his mouth. How very yummy, way better than the chocolate mousse, he decided. After finishing his cotton candy, he turned toward the Hotdog vendor. He smiled politely at the fat lady standing behind him and let her buy first.

'What a gentleman,' the fat lady whispered to her fat friend.

'Yes, you don't get much of them these days,' the friend seemed very amazed too.

He had heard them. His was pleased with himself. He sat on the bench when he had bought his hotdog. He savored each bite. How delightful. He loved food. Food came in every color, shape and price. As he took another big bite he caught a little boy looking at his hotdog hungrily. He ignored it at first, but the little boy kept staring. He couldn't help but feel bad for the little boy. The little boy looked very weak and poorly dressed. His bright yellow shirt was torn in several places and his trousers had patches.

'You want some, little man?" he asked the little boy. The little boy nodded meekly. He stood up and got 4 hotdogs, all with different sauces. One was for himself. The little boy and he sat on the bench and got busy with their hotdogs.

'I am Little Tommy. What's your name, sir?' the little boy asked politey, his blue eyes were wide open. The ketchup was smeared on one of his cheeks.

He was surprised. Nobody had asked his name in ages, must be 10 years. He had forgotten it himself.

'Wait a second, Little Tommy' he pulled out his wallet and looked at his ID card closely. He looked confused for a moment and then it dawned on him. The ID card said it right.

'I am Fred' he smiled at the boy and took a big bite of the hotdog. He was happy. For now. But now is Forever.



Erm. Stupid? Good? Whatever? Wrote in a hurry or I would have not written it at all. I can relate to this man. No I don't have a paunch, nor am going bald, I don't have a partner or kids who hate me, plus no silver Volovo.. It is that we are just humans, we make mistakes quite often, sometimes we regret them, sometimes we forget them. Don't be too easy on yourself. nor be too hard, It is okay to be a bit selfish sometimes (but not like our younger Fred, huh?). As somebody said 'You are only human, don't feel too guilty' =o

Mistakes happen. Don't regret too much.

So, my shopping is done. Ta Da!! I love my new shoes *hearts hearts*. Got blue, purple and turquoise eyepencils too (God knows if I will ever use them :s). What about you?

Sidrah xx o(^-^)o

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Realization (one minute long)

As I have nothing better to do, I keep checking the remaining battery of my laptop, that's how dull my life is this minute. Days pass in a blur, I am pretty much busy, I keep doing my daily stuff with no real interest, I am in black and white. Then, when the time slows down at a certain point, when I am stuck in that minute, I see some colors, I realize there is more than just living my daily routine. Things waiting to be uncovered, places to go, people to meet and love. Life cannot be only about studying, eating food, being with your family and friends, reading, watching movies and sleeping, can it be? I cannot be in black and white. I know I have other colors waiting to be washed in. I check the battery again (73 % remaining by the way), I am in this minute now, the moment has got some hold on me. I can think but not move on. I need some change, good change. I want to know why I am here and more important, who I really am. Who knows I might be a real elf?!


Life is about waiting and being patient ..this sucks, usually, you know. Who really lives in present? We are always worried (or excited?) about our future. We can't forget our dear past. Maybe this is how it is supposed to be. Maybe not. I hope not.

I see people claiming to be in love when it is only infatuation, girls trying to diet and eat at the same time (count me in), people bitching about their friends, people desperately waiting to be in love, people in funny relationships where there is no love nor any respect, kids demanding too much from their parents, hearts getting broken, tears of joy, new love, hope, fear, anger and revenge. There is a sort of longing in us. all the time, hardly any satisfaction. When we get what we have longed for, we forget and cry for something else. Humane, I guess

Why am I scared of spiders when I know they cannot hurt me? I want to overcome this fear. Just a tiny start.


Not a very happy-little-me post. Oh no.

Anyway. I want to change the layout. Pink isn't my color, I uploaded this one because it is neat.. I like neat. Watched Killers last night, it was not that good as I thought it would be. Ashton Kutcher is still cute, though. Watched Shutter Island few days ago. Oh, I Loved it! *grin*

I am making a list of things I want to get for Eid, I am afraid it keeps getting longer and longer.

Sidrah xx o(^-^)o

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Dreams - Waiting for My Day

Looks like am a blogger again, I missed it. Am eating aloo ki kachori (homemade) it is yummy. I love my mum's cooking. Am going to learn cooking someday soon! I will become a secret chef, adding wild ingredients to my food to make it delicious. Once there was an old woman, who used to make the yummiest soup ever, turned out she added old socks (unwashed) in her pot. Gross? Need a more strong word! No, I will not be this desperate; I will only add nice nice stuff... herbs n spices. I will have a huge spacey kitchen with a big window which will open into my garden (yes am going to b a gardener too) sunshine will be my friend all day long (at night I will befriend the electricity) It will a cool place, no sweating and unbearable heat. Autumn will be the only season.

Wake up! Reality Check!

Daydreaming is nice. However am going to make this one come true. Inshallah =)

Poster Competition is on 4th August and all we have done by now is we have chosen the topic (dental Fluorosis, can it get any worse?). It’s going to be fun, though. A chance to get dressed up! Who knows, we might win too?


Book am reading these days: The Partner By John Grisham =]


19, so young and energetic, full of blah blahs and awesome plans... patiently waiting for my day!


Sidrah xx o(^-^)o

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Be Who You Are

Unknown to me are the things I fall for
Unknown to me is the love I long for
In love for the sake of being in love
I do not own my mind
Honesty is what I wait for.

I fear what I should not, I fear what others think of me, I don’t say things I badly want to cos I fear they will laugh at me. Why? They are just like me, mere humans. Am not less than them, nor better. Our attitude is what makes us. Trust yourself, own your mind. Criticism is only words. Do not fear it. Be who you are.

Sidrah xx o(^-^)o

The Girl Who Fell Asleep

Many months back, a guy told me to watch The Arrivals, I told him I will and went on with my (not-so) busy life. At that time, I didn't know what I was missing! About 3 weeks ago, another guy told me to watch it, I was dying of boredom and was living by watching trailers of movies I have already seen. Therefore, I did watch it, few parts and I was like Whoa! I knew the World wasn't an innocent place but this evil I never realized (or maybe I was too weak to acknowledge it). Sub-liminal messages, backtracking, controlling our minds... this is real. I told my family, friends, and some of them just laughed at it. Not true, they refused to believe me. I remember when my brother told me about Back masking my reaction was the same, what I thought was "gee, its just music, are you saying I shouldn't listen to it cos it has evil messages?' it seemed funny.

Am a Muslim girl... although far from a perfect Muslim. I do bad things all the time. I rarely read Quran, miss my prayers, quarrel with my parents, get very selfish, gossip, sometimes make fun of people with my friends, forward dirty jokes, think am better than others, sometimes I hate myself and think of dying (yes hating yourself isn't good), don't cover my head and what not! These habits are not easy to let go but I have promised myself I will try my best. Inshallah. I have started to offer my prayers but haven't started reading the Quran yet, I should do it right now. Shouldn't I?

The point was The Arrivals inspired me. Woke me up. I thought I would be in this place forever. I forgot I would die. I chose not to think about the Day of Judgment, chose not to think about death and Hereafter. We know it will happen so come on people, Wake Up! Fear Allah. Be a good Muslim <3

One more confession, I still listen to music, watch movies and gossip. However, am trying to stay away from the bad stuff. Trying hard.

Sidrah xx o(^-^)o

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

iLife

I wrote this last night, but thanks to load shedding couldn't post!


Days are passing in a blur. Like Wooooosh! I wake up, take a shower, get ready for university, take tea there (sometimes with cookies), then classes/tutorials/labs/whatever.. then coming back home.. tweet n lunch.. a long nap.. waking up.. tweet n tea.. ignoring books.. tweet n dinner.. a movie or a good book and sleep. All so same. It bugs me some days, gets on my nerves, stupid questions come to my mind.. Am i wasting my time? Shouldn't i be going places and enjoying life? Why am i letting myself stuck in one place for years? But I guess I will have go through it all to be happy at last! I won't be satisfied if I ditched my studies and started having fun. I will forget what fun is then. Special days come by now and then.. a quiet day with my family, a hyper day with my friends, having 'me' time.. they keep me going =]

Confused? Good.


Am watching Before Sunrise, it's a nice movie if a little slow but will sure make you smile! An year ago, movies weren't just my thing, I rarely bothered to watch, it was too much but God knows what hit me, now am one of those movie freak, ask me about a movie and I'll go on and on! Sorry but no horror movies, I don't watch them. Give me creeps and nightmares. I go paranoid. Do i see a smirk?

Oho, light gone. Load shedding rocks. No, it sucks actually. We, Pakistanis, know that.

Yesterday was one of those days when you think, really think about your life and come to no conclusion!

Sidrah xx o(^-^)o