It all happened so soon. I have 5 months of being a teen and then it will be over, I will be an official grown up lady. Tada! Am not so looking forward. Is there a name of fear of turning 20? There should be. Twentyphobia?No, that is so lame. Most of you might ask 'Why?'
I won't be a teen, anymore.
There you go. This is the number one and the only reason.
No more blaming my mistakes, moodiness and ignorance on the raging hormones
Being two decades old
After 10 years I will be 30.
After 20 years I will be 40.
After 30 years.. Okay, that's enough.
It will be the so called Adult life, I don't think am ready yet. I can actually hear my mum shouting at me 'You are not a Teenager! You are 20 years old for God's sake'.
When I was 15 I had made a list on my purple diary 'Things I have to do before turning 20'. I haven't done most of the things. I can barely cook. I cannot even light the stove properly and I jump back back as soon as it lights. I don't know how to sue. I still haven't learned how to drive. I haven't done a single internship. I haven't written a book. I depend on my parents on many things, from waking up in the morning to the tea in evening. I even haven't sung a solo song in public (well, I won't ever do that).
At 15, 20 seemed far far away. At 15 I didn't give a damn how I look (only a bit). I do now, a lot. From last month I 'feel' kind of grown up. The world is not as innocent and a happy place as it had seemed. I learned things about myself I like and I don't like. I hardly share anything with my Mum now. I can tell who is going to be my friend forever and who is just here for the time being. I realized my parents used to have a life too before they had us. I might get my heart broken or I might break someone else's. Let's hope for the latter one. I know in few years I might be married and will be having babies *eek*(I just Cannot imagine That life). In few years, I will be a dentist, Insha'allah, a successful. Ahem ahem. I would love to earn some money. I also got that I will die one day *gasp*
I love who I am now, I adore my life. The night of 4th February, at 12 AM, no drastic change will occur. I wont grow taller and fatter or a responsible woman all of a sudden. I might not even notice it because I will be too excited for it will be my birthday until they bring the candles, 2 and 0 (sorry Sana, maybe I should not have brought you the candles with the cake. But you can. Yes, am counting on a surprise again).
However, one day it is going to go. I will be another meaty lady in the midlife crisis *scream* but this is life. We age. I realize that. So at 19.5 I know I look good (at least to myself and Mum and Dad), I might have spilt ends but my hair are awesome, long and shiny and whats more I don't have to use Kala kola (I wont Ever use that!), I don't have to dab my face in makeup, I can look way better without it. I don't have to use anti-aging cream or Botox (you know Botox is actually made from a very pathological bacteria. Beware of how much you use it!). Am gonna age Gracefully. I should not worry about that now anyway. I have got many many years. Guys, love yourself and enjoy yourself. Let's be glad we are born as babies not, as grownups.